amymorrison

Perfectly Timed Motherhood

Fri, 26 Sep 2025 15:54:26 GMT

More than once in my life I’ve thanked the Universe, the Gods and Goddesses, the Spirits and all other Higher Beings that I didn’t become a parent in my 20s.

In my early 20’s, I lived in the heart of a big, vibrant city, freshly transplanted from a midwestern town.

I was very newly married and I worked with kiddos who were impacted by a life-threatening illness or condition.

By the time I was 26, I had graduated with a Master’s Degree in Child Development.

I share those stats because, by most accounts, I had all the boxes checked for what might be the basis for a stable home for a child.

But checked boxes doesn't always equate, or even predict, success.

{Note: It’s cool if you did become a parent in your twenties or younger. I’m just sharing hindsight about why this worked out in my favor, k? No hate talk, because what I’m about to tell you is personal and flows with science and it’s not okay to mock either one of those things here. Thanks for understanding…carrying on with your reading.}

Although I didn’t have the young girl fantasies of playing house or being a mom, it wasn’t that I was against that path either.

I just didn’t see myself on it. (That’s because I didn’t know all the different roads that might lead to motherhood… but that’s for another post.)

I spent most of my second decade of life doing what many people in their twenties do; learning how to be an employee, navigating all the responsibilities of living away from anything and anyone I knew, figuring out how to be in relationship with another adult, sharing space with that person, making sense of what overlapped between us and what didn't, and reacting to all of it.

There are some moments I look back at now and cringe. I blame my behavior on being young, naïve, unexperienced, and desperate.

I’m bagging on myself, but I’m not alone in this. Most people in this age group are blissfully unaware of what unhealthy patterns they carry, how they show up in relationships, and how to rebuild the hurting parts of themselves.

In my twenties (and maybe even beyond), I just didn’t know myself yet. And that's why I'm glad motherhood came later for me.

That twenty-something version of myself didn’t know the power of empathy yet. Sure, I had plenty of compassion, but I didn’t know my conditioned beliefs yet, because I wasn’t—couldn’t be--reflective at that time. I didn’t yet have the skills to take care of my inner child, let alone a real life child. Oh sure, I had the degree from the well-respected institute, but inner knowledge?

Nope.

You see, the brain takes approximately two and a half decades to fully mature. Researchers say anywhere between ages 24-28 is when the prefrontal cortex finally gets fully established. Skills like impulse control, planning, and judgement are handled in this part of the brain. These higher-order skills require higher-order processes. This all takes time (plus experiences) to develop. And it’s not like we get notification when the maturation is complete like we do with a software update. So hindsight and reflection is how we monitor our inner growth. We sometimes forget that young twenty-year olds are still in the developmental process. They’re still ripening.

And, I’d argue that until the brain has finished cooking, we’re still trying on different costumes in life. We’re role playing a bit until we hit a point where our systems are ready to do the reflective and insightful work related to self-awareness. (And, yes, some people go their whole lives never even considering to do this work. But, if you're reading this, that's not you.)

Becoming a parent is big responsibility. It takes resources. And not just financial—emotional--resources that call upon the higher order brain. Interestingly, the minimum age to adopt from some countries is around 30 years old. Coincidence? Perhaps not.

What I know now, five decades in to life, is that becoming a parent in my 30’s allowed me time to grow. I’ll be honest, in some ways I envy the 20-something parents. They have energy. They’re more agile physically and mentally—they haven’t built as many rigid patterns yet. But if I had a chance to do it all over, have the same child, but at an earlier time in life, I wouldn’t do it.

For me, and so many others I’ve coached, motherhood has really been the beginning of a personal quest to finding my core self. Not just about raising and walking alongside a child, but also re-raising and walking alongside myself, my inner child, and even my own parents and their inner-child-states. It gave me perspective to see the "why" behind my actions. I became aware of my auto-pilot mode. And I learned how to sort through my patterns and set aside the ones I’ve collected, but no longer need to carry throughout the years.

I believe that children arrive in our lives at just the right time. But that “right time” can sometimes not make sense until much later. For anyone who's ever worried that they waited “too long” or have heard it’s “too late” to be a parent, maybe this post will resonate with you.

Peace and love.

Our Ghosts of Attachment

Mon, 08 Sep 2025 17:23:41 GMT

"In every nursery there are ghosts. They are the visitors of the unremembered past of the parents." ( Ghosts in the Nursery )

In my latest program course, Attachment 101: Patterns of Attachment , I explain the basic premise of attachment; how it's an evolutionary drive that is shaped by the child's primary caregiver. I borrow the phrase "ghosts in the nursery" from a 50-year old research paper that demonstrated the astonishing and lingering effects that early relationships have on our future lives. Whether you're a new parent, or a seasoned one, this program has takeaways designed to encourage you to see your "ghosts" as helping you rather than haunting you.

Holiday Tips

amy@thepatternhood.com (Amy Morrison) — Wed, 27 Nov 2024 20:13:57 GMT

This is a subtitle for your new post

The holiday season is upon us!

All the songs tell us it is "the most wonderful time of year," but for many families, the holiday actually doesn't feel all that wonderful. The hustle and bustle of all the extra people, pressure, and

These are just a few ways to find peace with your kiddos this season. Rather than think of these as singular activities solely for this holiday vacation, look to the suggestions as a guide for how to connect with your child.

Name It To Tame It

amy@thepatternhood.com (Amy Morrison) — Wed, 16 Oct 2024 17:12:02 GMT

Dr. Dan Siegal gets all the credit for this clever and catchy phrase. Try it. See how it helps you and your child.

Decoding Discipline

amy@thepatternhood.com (Amy Morrison) — Sun, 28 Jul 2024 23:51:02 GMT

An excerpt from the newest digital course on DISCIPLINE

Based on my conversations with parents, if there was a gadget on Amazon that could step in when our children misbehaved and dish out the most effective, appropriate, and timely repercussion, it’d be sold out in a few minutes with a 3 year-long waitlist.

Our world has become filled with convenient quick fixes, which is likely why so many parents express frustration over behavior management, because when it comes to parenting there is no quick fix that truly lasts.

This course has been designed to give you some proven discipline strategies that go beyond being a temporary bandaid…ones that actually build on connection and the real relationship between you and your child--and more importantly, the relationship with yourself.

((Are you wondering what YOU have to do with discipline?))

Brace yourself…Here comes a big truth: YOU are the secret ingredient to changing your kiddos behavior, not a gadget or trendy new method.

Nothing is consistent or equitable in parenting. Everything is a moving part which is one reason discipline can feel so disorienting to us. We’re trying to create order out of chaos. We want A to equal B the very first time we say it. But parenting is a vast and complex universe. So as we explore the topic of discipline, we’ll do so knowing that it exists with so many layers—overlapping with a myriad of other parenting topics.

By the end of this course, you’ll have heard all about the importance of connection and how THIS is the driving force for a child’s healthy compliance. And, not to worry, there will be many techniques and examples shared for words, phrases, and approaches to use in the moment, all which support or build off of this connection-based concept.

Whether you react with anger or silence, this course will give you a new perspective on how to handle situations with your child(ren). I provide examples, suggestions, and research-backed information to help you shift your thinking and prioritize the relationship with your kiddo(s).

You can find the audio course on the website under "Store" or "Services".

I look forward to connecting with you soon!

Safety Precautions

amy@thepatternhood.com (Amy Morrison) — Tue, 19 Mar 2024 01:09:56 GMT

Helmets and knee pads aren't enough.

Within seconds of holding their child for the first time, most parents I know felt the instant surge of “I’d do anything to keep this child safe.”

We start out “babyproofing” the house; covering outlets, installing gates at the stairs, and locks on the cabinets. We put pads on the corners of tables. We cut their grapes in half. At some point we start commanding, “Watch out! Look where you’re going!” (Often said as we hover over them with our own arms outstretched, anticipating their fall, distracting them from their very mission.)

We armor our children with protective gear and devices, as though the one with the most knee pads and helmets will victoriously emerge the winner at this game of life.

Protection, though, extends far beyond the physical dangers that threaten our children.

Over the last few years, likely as we’ve been replacing the expired car seat, a new danger has pulled up to the curb of childhood: the unprotected media exposure.

As a Parent Coach, Child Development Specialist, and Educator, I've worked with children who've been overexposed to media content that wasn't relevant to their age, interests, or level of understanding. Dr. Daniel Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne-Bryson explain in The Power of Showing Up , how harmful it can be “when kids are exposed to realities they’re developmentally unready for.” Videos, pictures, and games easily grab children’s attentions with their colors, noises, and flashy graphics. While movies or video games have ratings, I’ve noticed that the intended audience is nearly always much older than the marketed-to audience, leading to a crossover of ages that end up seeing and hearing things that their brains just aren’t equipped to handle.

When children sit in states of tension, fear, or threat, it stresses the young, under-developed nervous system. Behavior-wise, this might look like: hyperactivity, nervousness, nightmares, anxiety about separating from you, or timidness. You know your child best. If they start exhibiting unusual behaviors, it might be worth exploring their media content and set up protections to shield them from violent messaging and adult subject matter. There are so many natural challenges to childhood, adding exposure to scary or vulgar situations just makes development even more difficult.

While it’s extremely hard to know what subject matter your child may be inadvertently exposed to at a playdate, you can control what happens in your home. I’m not suggesting you swing into hyper-overprotection mode, but you can build awareness around when these moments may be presenting themselves. You can invite your young child to a card game or tickle challenge when they’re tempted to watch an older sibling get to another level on their game. You can turn off the news that’s playing in the background at your parent’s house when you visit. You can buy headphones for your spouse to wear when they watch intense movies.

Is there a time and place to talk about heavy subjects? Yes, of course. And that involves you talking with your child in a soft, honest, age-appropriate, incrementally explicit dialog… not having them experience these things through an electronic device.

In short, let’s keep children in childhood. Their job is not to be burdened (yet) with the harsh realities of life. Let’s keep their brains just as safe as we keep their bodies. Let’s limit their media feed to bite-sized portions. Let’s do everything we can to give our kiddos a safe, secure attachment in childhood so that they can grow up to be stable adults who can handle big, complex issues.

Peace & Love,

amy@thepatternhood.com (Amy Morrison) — Thu, 25 Jan 2024 01:55:59 GMT

Intentions Through Reflection

Hello 2024!! We’ve been getting to know each other for a few weeks now and I’m thrilled to say I feel the makings of a beautiful year ahead. I hope that’s true for all of you, as well. 

Like so many others, I’ve got fresh intentions, plans, dreams, and goals for the upcoming months and feel inspired to make progress on all of these things. But I must admit, this is fairly new to me; I’ve shied away from doing resolutions for many years, as the concept felt entirely too stifling.

I’ve come to understand that my definition of “resolutions” didn’t honor all of my experiences, trials, and failures. It seemed to only be focused on the “new” and wistful versions of myself, which felt dismissive to my personal history.

This year, I participated in a few different programs that helped me celebrate all that I’ve done, then allowed me to build upon those successes as guideposts for my future self. As a result, this year I came to see the New Year as a time of reflection AND direction.

Just one year ago, I found a training program for what I knew was going to be my next-phase career: a Parenting Coach. I was ready to expand on my well-worn path of working with families that I had built, loved, and nurtured for many years. Parent Coaching landed in my lap and felt like home in my heart. The training gave me the tools I had been looking for to support parents as an educator. Through reflection, I realized that this training program was my life’s GPS for the year.

1. I learned how to not fix, but support.

2. I learned how to become more empowered in my parenting.

3. I learned the power of silence as a parent.

4. I learned how to soften without being too soft.

5. I learned just how many fears were hiding inside my parenting decisions.

6. I learned that somatic practices are worth tuning into.

7. I learned that the nervous system is the true driver of this bus.

8. I learned that we carry loads of generational cycles in our bodies.

9. I learned how to notice my patterns and explore them to their deepest point, so they unravel.

10. I learned so many tools and strategies that I wished I knew years ago, like time-in.

11. I learned the value of play.

12. I learned that even as a parent of a senior in high school who holds a master’s degree in Child Development and has worked with parents and families for 25 years, I still had things to learn because I am always evolving. This work is never, and will never be, finished.

In early 2023, I had quietly (much too nervous to state publicly) set an intention of learning, doing more, and helping whomever I could along the way. I ended up with bonus lessons: gaining life-enhancing skills that improved my relationships and increased my self-awareness.

This year, as I charted out where I wanted to take this work, I pictured walking alongside loads of parents… encouraging, guiding, and celebrating you all in a variety of formats. So if connection and improved relations are on your agenda for 2024, contact me for a free discovery call. We can talk through whether working together would be a good fit or if a different resource might suit you better.

I’ll end with this poignant quote by Henry David Thoreau:

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.”

Dear Santa

amy@thepatternhood.com (Amy Morrison) — Mon, 25 Dec 2023 02:20:59 GMT

Amy's Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

Your magic is universally inspiring. Thank you for all you’ve done to light up the hearts of so many throughout the world. Because of your benevolence, humanity is filled with a spirit of generosity for a few weeks each year. Homes get decorated with joy and filled with laughter. Thoughts turn to those less fortunate. Feasts are shared. Gifts are given with wild abandon. It’s a whirlwind of love (most of the time).

I only have one thing on my wish list this year, Santa. The greatest gift you could give me is to remove all the names from your Naughty and Nice list. I know this is a monumental ask of you and so I’m willing to provide some on-the-ground support to help...like a human-sized elf!

I recognize it’s a tradition to unroll the long, ancient scroll and scan the names. I realize it’s your go-to question when you and your helpers work the malls throughout the country. Please know that I understand this all originated from a place of helpfulness; a pervasive seed you could plant that would help parents, throughout the year, but especially the weeks leading up to your much-anticipated arrival.

Santa, I know you love all the children, all throughout the land. That’s why I’m asking this of you. You see, there have been studies showing children aren’t equipped to handle the pressure of being categorized or labeled, even if it’s a positive label. Parents also start to view their children through these polar opposite lens’ and develop a conditioned belief system based on this one concept: is their child naughty or nice? Through my work with parents, I help them understand that all behavior is just the nervous system’s way of communicating.

In addition, children’s desire to make it onto your Nice List is driven by fear and, Santa, I know you don’t want children to be scared of you. Sometimes kids just have hard moments. Instead of sending children to the Naughty List or threatening that they’ll get lumps of coal in their stockings, we parent coaches teach families about developmentally appropriate life skills instead.

I don’t mean to be a grinch, Santa. I know you’ve loaded up the sleigh already, but hopefully the elves can quickly throw in a few extra goodies. My one wish is one to lift up humanity and ultimately expand upon your intention for the season. I’ll carry the spirit of Christmas forward, all throughout the year, as I empower parents to build more connection in their relationships with their children.

Merry Christmas to you and safe travels to you and the reindeer tonight.

Peace and love,

~Amy

Ticket to: Anywhere, But Here

amy@thepatternhood.com (Amy Morrison) — Sun, 05 Nov 2023 19:08:20 GMT

Rerouting parenthood to a new destination.

Do you ever feel like, as a parent in your hardest moments, you’re living on a merry-go-round?

Nothing changes, no matter how many times you suggest something.

Life feels repetitive, because you have to continuously remind children to do/not do things.

Days go by in a blur and you feel numb at having to repeat all these steps again tomorrow.

Despite the fact that you’re moving, you feel a restlessness, sometimes…of having tried every single thing you’ve read, every strategy you can think of, every technique your parents did (or didn’t do). You’ve been there, done that, got a drawerful of stained t-shirts (and tower of books about children’s behavior and parenting) to prove it.

You’re ready to stop going nowhere and land in a more comfortable place with your children.

I recently realized that my job is a lot like a mystery-adventure-travel-agent, with concentrated efforts focused on getting you off the parenthood merry-go-round.

Allow me take you through the gates of The Patternhood Travel Experience…

First, the end destination is a place you’ve likely never been to and the arrival time depends solely on you and your commitment to traveling in a new way.

In addition, there are some serious unknowns involved (When? Where? How? What if…?), but I’m aware of all the different routes we can access to make your travels more aligned with your hopes and dreams, so… you decide to trust me and book the experience.

For our first session you arrive fully—overly—prepared. You assume you are flying Southwest, with 2 free checked bags! You’ve brought your largest suitcases, each packed to the 50lb. limit, filled with your favorite pieces. You have prepared for every season, on any continent, and for all types of social settings.

You are geared up, literally and figuratively.

You can’t wait for me to hand over the tickets so that you can be on your way! Isn’t that what you signed up for? For a one-way ticket off the merry-go-round? Show me the way and make sure it’s a non-stop flight, you practically want to scream.

I explain that your trip is going to require you to pare down significantly. Think: Spirit airlines, one small suitcase, with a 35lb. limit and a mint-tin as a carry-on.

You are shocked. This seems a bit drastic, to ask you to part ways with so many of your tried-and-true pieces. Is this really the time for minimalism?

You defend your stance. You tell me you have gone in circles with these things for many years. You stumble back and question if this mystery adventure was a smart idea. Do you really even need a trip? Why did you think you were a “destination unknown” person? Where did you get such a far-fetched idea? Is that even a smart way to parent? And what will your friends/family think when they hear about this?

You consider running back to the endless loop from which you came.

You feel slightly uncomfortable as I unzip the first suitcase and ask you about the item on top.

I listen thoughtfully as you explain the connection and memories you have to that, and each subsequent, item you’ve packed. We discuss how long you’ve carried them around. I Marie Kondo-remark on each piece; how lovely it is and how well it has served you.

We gently unpack the 100lbs. of luggage, together.

We discuss the histories and stories that each piece contains. We laugh. We cry. We mourn and celebrate.

And then we discuss where you’re going, your new place. By this point, I have narrowed your destination and routes down, so we converse about whether this familiar item will work in your new location. Some things go into a pile to be tweaked just bit. Some things will be left behind and replaced entirely.

Over time, with courage and partnership, we whittle down the baggage to just one simple carry-on. Inside it are foundational pieces that can be relied upon in most any situation. More importantly, they are things that make you feel unshakeable, confident, and true . You are no longer weighed down with excess and realize this streamlined approach to travel will allow you to focus whole heartedly on your adventure.

That’s when I hand over the tickets and remind you that you are equipped for anything.

There will be turbulence, but you recall that the merry-go-round wasn’t a smooth ride either, and at least you won’t be going in circles.

We review the contents of your bag. You agree that you do indeed have everything you need. I remind you that I’m only a video-call away if your confidence wavers and you fall back into old pack-rat habits.

And just like that, it’s time to jump off the merry-go-round and board your flight.

Your personal merry-go-round may be time-outs, yelling, or bribing and negotiating. Your “merry-go-round” may be more like a slide, quick and swift to respond. Or it might be that you react like a swing, changing your approach and answer depending on your mood.

Whatever your parenting style and cycle, I can provide travel assistance.

Our parenting shadows and patterns are as unique as our fingerprints. What I do know is that most parents feel like they’re alone in the hamster wheel and transforming oneself is a tricky thing to do without help. (That’s why tools, ideas, strategies, books, videos, and IG posts will not change your parenting.) It takes hard work and a trusting partnership.

If you’re finding yourself:

· Ready to make changes in your parenting

· Eager to pack new methods into your suitcase of strategies

· Yearning to see your child more clearly…

You can either stay where you are or buckle up for a fun, supportive, forward-moving ride!

I'll get my neck scarf ready!

Hugs,

What's Sitting Inside

amy@thepatternhood.com (Amy Morrison) — Sat, 30 Sep 2023 21:26:29 GMT

Ultimately I wanted to write a love story for The Patternhood logo. And like many great stories, it has it's origins in darkness...

Many years ago, I found myself in a place, physically and emotionally, where I felt utterly disconnected. I was living in my birth-country, but felt like I was living in a foreign land.

We had moved to a different time zone and somehow that one-hour difference felt like a century to my soul. I met people who had many, many generations of roots growing in that town’s soil—some family root systems were so thick that they were what seemed to be holding the entire town together.

The rootedness of the general population alone was very different for me; my childhood involved three different moves between two states. This happenstance wanderlust somehow followed me into adulthood too, as this location was my sixth state. But even deeper, I felt that I wasn’t accepted in this place. I was seen as a city girl, despite being raised in a small midwestern town. My ideas were either too big or too rigid depending upon who I talked to and what the topic was. Fitting in socially--as an outcast adult--was a brand-new experience for me and honestly, it rattled me a bit.

Navigating the terrain for myself was one challenge, but on top of it I was thrust into stay-at-home motherhood. So, in addition to my own questions about the area, I was also shielding, guiding, and trying to find some acceptance on behalf of my three-year old, Quinn.

Fast forward a few years later when I was homeschooling said child and we came across a labyrinth on our way to the library. We stopped our bikes and explored it. I marveled at how many times we’d gone past and not noticed the garden area that contained the sweet little labyrinth. Walking the small rock-lined spiral gave me a morsel of peace that I didn’t know I could find among that town.

A short time later I was told about a walking-meditation trail in the hills. A local man had built a public (but secretive) hiking trail on his property with scenic lookout spots and contemplative “stations” along the loop. One of these areas included a large walking labyrinth among the forest. It instantly became our favorite place.

Walking those curves and turns, seeing the patterns of this design overlap the path of my own life, was soul awakening.

Explaining this design, and the metaphysical relationship of it, to my child was transformative.

Watching my child walk the curves and turns, and contemplate the life that lay ahead, was the closest thing I’ve come to participating in a spiritual ceremony.

It was majestic and magical combined and left an imprint on my spirit.

Many years later we moved again.

I was at the beach this time and found a broken conch shell. Most people don’t even bother to pick up a shell if it’s broken, but I saw that familiar spiral design and was as mesmerized as the time I came upon that first labyrinth.

I loved how exposed the inside was.

I loved seeing the parts of the shell that were typically unseen.

I loved understanding that it was only because it was broken that I could see how the creature, who once lived inside it, was protected.

I loved seeing the beauty in something others had discarded or ignored.

Mostly, I loved that it reminded me of that beautiful place in the hills and the journey of discovering myself.

From that day forward, I started collecting intriguing shells with spirals. I have a special jar in my office where I keep these beautiful reminders of life.

A labyrinth is said to relate to the soul’s journey to the inner world. A spiral design is thought to be a symbol of a rebirth. These are ancient and sacred designs, often used in meditation and/or prayer work. Self-discovery work typically follows a curving circular motion, so the spiral can be thought of as a metaphor for life’s work. Following the meandering path inwards, we expose the protective elements and find what’s sitting inside. Or as Cheryl Crow sings, “Everyday is a winding road. I get a little bit closer…to feeling fine.”

And that's why, and how, it came to be the image for The Patternhood.

I share all this not to intimidate you or make the coaching work seem heavy, but to let you know I’m not afraid to walk this path with you. We’ll go on the journey together…we’ll explore and unravel your spiral to find the heart of connection. I’m here for you.

~ajm

One Thing I Would NEVER Do Again As a Parent

Mon, 28 Sep 2020 20:02:52 GMT

If you feel like simply getting out the door on time (tie your shoes… where’s your coat… do you have your lunch??) is a battle, the reality is that you are locked in a power struggle with your child.

Someone will “win” and someone will “lose.”

And while this can be hard to recognize in the moment, power struggles are counter productive when it comes to cultivating a loving, healthy relationship with your child.

Power over dynamics are ubiquitous in our culture. However, when we tap into a larger truth we can see that everyone is divinely worthy of their own thoughts, emotions and experiences.

Yep! Even your kids. When we succumb to the candy of a power struggle, we are diminishing our child’s (the one we’d gladly dive in front of a bus for) self-worth, inner authority and ultimately, causing separation in the relationship through an erosion of trust.

While the stakes of this seem small when children are young, this can lead to really negative repercussions when these little cuties turn into big cuties. Teenagers who aren’t in communication with their parents about big challenges make poor decisions.

However, when trust and communication strategies are established early, there is an unshakable foundation that you child knows they can rely upon. They will come to you. Even when things are hard.

This is not a case for permissive parenting.

Clearly, we are charged with teaching our children to behave in acceptable ways, and to embody the values that we hold dear. I’ve learned that this is far more effectively done through conscious communication and emotional demonstration than the old “power over” ways that most of us were parented.

When my kids were little, I was a HUGE fan of the show “Supernanny.” She relied on a punishment and apology frame. Time outs were the relied upon method of bending a 3-year old to your will as a parent. (I personally loved the show because it made me feel like other people were way worse at this parenting thing than I was, and I wasn’t particularly confident in my skills at the time.)

I implemented her methods with gusto.

You will put on your shoes, or else….

You will eat your broccoli, or else…

You will NOT hit your sister, or else…

Time out.

The deal was your kiddo was supposed to sit there for the number of minutes as their age, then apologize. If they didn’t apologize they had to sit there for another round.

I knew that this method wasn’t going to work the day my 3-year old son sat on that step for well over an hour (you do the math). But then… even worse, he wouldn’t look at me for the rest of the afternoon.

I’d damaged our relationship in the name of control, and I vowed I would never do it again.

The key is to learn to be an authoritative parent that sees, understands and respects the individual experience of your child. When you communicate clearly, and are willing to own your own emotional experience, while allowing this little human to own his or hers, you can be in a powerful cooperative relationship.

Power struggles will sometimes (rarely) be necessary. So save them for when they count.