Our Ghosts of Attachment

Sometimes you’ll be sitting on a gift that doesn’t make sense for you right at that moment, instead its value will show up many years later. That’s parenthood, actually, in a nutshell, isn’t it? We start off in complete wonder…confused as to what to do with this little being placed in our arms, our lives. We then spend years sharing our time, energy, finances, and body with a small tyrant (who, on better days, feels like a generous little narcissist). We invest all our resources in them and find ourselves collecting crayon-colored placemats as payments. Time slips by... the wobbly-lined drawings diminish, and suddenly we realize: these babies are on loan to us . {Ooof. Is that not a gut-punch?} Back to the poetry part. Nearly twenty years ago, my beautiful mama gave me a copy of one of Mary Ann Radmacher’s poems. If you don’t know Mary Anne’s work, she’s an artist and a writer. Her poems are as visual as they are lyrical. And honestly, when I read this poem initially, I thought it was sweet, but didn’t really connect with its message yet. I tucked it away in a pile of cards and papers, and found it again many years later when I was going through some bins. This time when I read it, I was knee deep into parenting. I was on the cusp of knowing that this (cue the wild gesturing) was all temporary. I likely had had a day that felt like it was seven hours too long, but the words on the page awakened me. They registered in my heart. I felt like Mary Anne Radmacher must be the most enlightened being to be able to summarize so many important parenting precepts in such a loving, honest, and moving manner. Since then, this poem, rescued from the bin of embarrassing photos and yellowing cards from people I no longer know, has been framed and on display in our home(s) for anyone else to read. I’ve included the poem below, but seeing the words in times new roman (excuse me, muli, to be most accurate) font just doesn’t have the same impact as Mary Anne’s scripty style. This is one of her older poems, so it’s very difficult to come by (I’ve tried), but the words are still worth hearing. Note: I’ve type it in the way it appears on my copy, knowing that the phrase breaks may or may not be intentional with the artwork that was also on the poem. I can’t wait to hear what you think of it and if you’d add anything. Maybe reading this will inspire you to make your own reminders.  Peace and Love, ~A reminders for parents your child will survive because of you and succeed in spite of you. there is nothing you can do to prepare for three things: age three, age thirteen, and when your child leaves home. you are not prejudiced— your child is the most amazing! it is a genetic unlikelihood that bad behavior comes from a single side of the family. your child will appreciate embarrassing photos and stories a) after they are forty, b) after they have a child of their own. it washes out. It can be repaired. the most precious thing is your child. it behavior is embarrassing…it has to do with your ego…not theirs. remember the difference between looking and seeing. thoughts of your child will bring tears at unexpected moments. ~ mary anne radmacher

To Be or Not To Be, that is the question.